5 Keys to Happiness

Have you ever been told you are "unreasonably happy?"

Is that one of the oddest things you've ever heard?

It was for me.

How can happiness be unreasonable? If I was giddy, or manic, or obviously unhinged, I'd understand the comment. But that's never been the case. Those comments were directed toward me when my life's circumstances were understood: I have two children with a serious mental illness, bipolar disorder. When other people learn that fact, they sometimes feel pity, or sadness, or some other negative emotion. I understand that. We never expect to have less than perfectly healthy offspring, and we certainly don't expect people to be happy about the fact when they do. But how defeating is that attitude? I mean, really, since two of my kids have an inherited illness (that can be treated, by the way), I should live in a puddle of my own despair?

I don't think so!

I think we are meant to be happy; and I've always made happiness my aim, despite the obvious let-downs and challenges. We can all make that choice. And it is a choice

Researchers from across the US, including groups at University of California at Riverside, University of Illinois, University of Minnesota and University of Pennsylvania, have studied happiness and all its intricate makings and workings. As I read their findings I identified five common components, or keys, to the development of happiness in anyone's life, regardless of circumstance. You might be surprised at how simple it is to be happy.

The 5 Keys to Happiness:

* Develop Strong, Healthy Connections to Friends and Family
* Nurture a Belief in Something Bigger Than Yourself
* Create Goals Based on Your Values and Enjoyment
* Be Grateful and Forgiving
* Commit to Good Health through Good Self Care

Develop Strong, Healthy Connections to Friends and Family

Time and energy invested in friendships and fam ily create fulfilling relationships, intimacy, and a support system for all involved. Every study I've ever read on happiness, longevity or wellness points to the fact that being connected to other people is vital to our well-being on almost every level. Loving, caring, intimate relationships benefit us mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Family and friends are crucial - the wider and deeper the relationships with those around us, the better.

Nurture a Belief in Something Bigger Than Yourself

The second vital ingredient is having meaning in life, a belief in something bigger than yourself — whether it is religion, spirituality or a philosophy of life. This speaks to purpose and hope and faith all at once. No one religion or philosophy universally leads to greater happiness than another. The belief, not what is believed in, is what makes the difference. People who ponder the big questions in life and choose a belief system and pa th, even if that choice changes over time, are happier than those who feel hopeless and alone. Not a big surprise, is it?

Create Goals Based on Values and Enjoyment

The third key is having goals that mesh with your values and allow you to enjoy what you do. We find fulfillment by having goals that offer enjoyment and use our strengths and abilities. This allows us to get into the "flow," an engrossing state that comes during creative or playful activity, according to psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. Athletes, musicians, writers, gamers, and religious adherents know the feeling. It comes less from what you're doing than from how you do it.

Mr. Csikszentmihalyi (pronounced chick-sent-me-high-ee) describes flow as "being completely involved in an activity for its own sake. The ego falls away. Time flies. Every action, movement, and thought follows inevitably from the previous one, like playing jazz. Your whole being is involved, and you're using your skills to the utmost." Now that would make anybody happy!

Be Grateful and Forgiving

Develop gratitude and forgiveness. This is sometimes difficult, especially when you're in a particularly challenging place. But the fact is, finding the good in any situation makes it easier to find your way out. Make lists of things for which you're grateful, notice life's small pleasures, and practice positive thinking. And finally, learn to forgive. Forgive yourself. Forgive others. Every major religion or philosophy cites forgiveness as a powerful tool toward redemption. It is a powerful tool toward happiness. According to author and lecturer Gregg Easterbrook, "Research shows that people who are grateful, optimistic and forgiving have better experiences with their lives, more happiness, fewer strokes, and higher incomes." Be grateful. Learn to forgive. Then do it.

Commit to Good Health through Good Self Care

Most disease devel ops or is exacerbated by drinking too much alcohol, eating the wrong foods or too much food, failing to move enough or sleep enough, and failing to access medical screening tests. Many health concerns are avoidable if you commit to good health by taking good care of yourself. And then, of course, you're better able to take care of those around you and pursue the goals you've set based on your values and skills. Eating right, getting adequate exercise and appropriate sleep, and seeing the doctor for regular preventative check-ups all lead to better health, which leads to greater happiness. And when illness strikes despite doing all these things, wellness, healing, or a sense of peace with the inevitable are more achievable if you're committed to good self care. Good self care benefits everyone. Good self care, quite simply, leads to a healthier, happier you and a healthier, happier world.

Consider your options, your choices. Choose happiness. Embrace the 5 keys to ha ppiness. And then BE!

To learn more about happiness, check out the work of these noted individuals:

* Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi: http://www.brainchannels.com/thinker/mihaly.html
* Ed Diener, University of Illinois: http://www.psych.uiuc.edu/~ediener/
* Gregg Easterbrook, Author and Lecturer: http://www.greggeasterbrook.com
* Sonja Lyubomirsky, University of California at Riverside: http://www.faculty.ucr.edu/~sonja/
* Martin Seligman, University of Pennsylvania: http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/seligman.aspx

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Kate McLaughlin writes, speaks and advocates for mental health awareness. She is available to speak at events for high school & college students and faculties, as well as mental health support groups. Visit her at: Kate McLaughlin and read her newest book, MOMMY I'M STILL IN HERE.